I have not updated this blog since September, not much of note was happening until a few weeks ago, then all H-E-double toothpicks broke loose. I was doing a routine followup with an MD to a very minor problem that had shown up a year earlier, and being a Uroligist, he wanted to check my prostate (yuck). Well, thank heavens that he did, becuase he felt what he thought was a polyp, I had a Colonoscopy the day after Christmas to remove the polyp. Well, it wasn't a polyp, it was a real, honest-to-goodness, would-have-been-fatal-in-a-few-more-months tumor.
As it is, the cancer was still fairly advanced, and I start chemo and radiation tomorrow. For all the gritty details, I am going to copy and paste a few of the posts that I made on the Yahoo group for colorectal cancer:
1/1/2008:
I am sure that over the years, there have been many messages similarto the one I am typing right now.A week and a half ago, when my MD was doing a checkup and checked myprostate, he told me he felt a polyp, and that I should have acolonoscopy to get it removed.Had the scope the day after Christmas, and no problems with thepolyp, but there is a fairly advanced tumor seperate from it in myrectum. I have had a X-ray, CT scan and ultrasound to look for mestasis and to stage the tumor, and I have a PET scan tomorrow tomake sure that there has been no mestasis. So far, barring any nastysurprises tomorrow, it looks like have joined the Stage 3 club. The tumor was staged as T4,N1,M0, which is I guess about as bad as it can be and still have a shot at a cure. What I do have going for me isthat I am fairly young at 49 and otherwise in great health. I fact,the followup appointment to my initial scan cancelled a planned snowshoeing trip. What feels so strange is that here I am, with a disease that stands agood chance of ending my life, and yet I feel fine-make that great.I should send a thank you to the MD who felt the polyp, since I was totally asymptomatic otherwise. I guess what I am wondering right now is mainly-how miserable do you get while going through the radiation/chemo/surgery/chemo again? I know that the surgery will take me off the grid for at least a fewdays, but I am self-employed and if I don't work, I don't have income. It strikes me as ironic that even if in a year I am totally disease-free, I might be financially destroyed.Were some of you able to work effectively during the chemo and radiation?How long did the surgery incapacitate you between the hospital andstaying at home? Were you able to preform things like yard work and recreational activities? I have always hiked and backpacked and enjoy fly fishing as well. I'm just not sure how those activities will fit in with the gauntlet I am getting ready to run.Of course, I will be asking these questions of my MD, but would liketo hear from those who have been through it firsthand.Thanks a lot in advance.
1/3/08:
Thnaks to all who responded both on the group and via email. I had a PET scan yesterday to confirm that there is no distant mestasis. I called the MD and said that I would see him Tuesday, and not to call me unless the scan had a nasty surprise, but to please call me if it didshow something. Kind of the no-news-is-good-news thing. Sometimes it almost seems as if I could handle whatever the news is rather thansitting around waiting for it. I'm not serious, of course. Being told I was stage 4 would not be a pleasant experience. On a side note, my Uroligist's office called today to let me know thatthe results on my Prostate exam came back normal. I told the nurse to be sure and thank the MD for deciding that I needed it checked, since another few months would have made a difference in my prognosis-and not for the better. I guess I will post more once I know more next Tuesday.
1/7/08
All my scans and scopes are done, I am meeting tomorrow with the MD. The news could be worse, but it certainly could be better. Both the CTand PET scans showed enlarged lymph nodes not in the immediate area ofthe tumor, but the PET did not show any actual tumor in the glands. If there would have been tumors, I would be stage IV, and that would not be good. However, the fact that they are enlarged means that there is a more than good chance that there are at least a few cancer cells thathave drained into those nodes, and if the chemo does not knock them out, then again, that would not be a good thing. But at present, it looks like I am a candidate for the chemo plus radiation/surgery/more chemo gauntlet, with at least a decent shot at a cure.It still seems surreal to be feeling great, but knowing that I am literally in a fight for my life. BTW, I see that some of you have talked about Xeloda oral chemo. The standard chemo at this Doctor is administered via a semi-permenant catheter. Any reason that I should bring up the possibility of using oral chemo? If there are some medical reports you could refer me to, I would appreciate it. Of course, I am going to run a Google search right after I finish typing.
And finally, on 1/12/08:
Both the radiation doc and the surgeon say they think I have a 60-80% chance of beating this on the first go round-as in "no reoccurence"at my present stage. The numbers would be even better except for those enlarged lymph nodes a few inches away from the tumor, which throws a wild card into the whole calculation. Chemo and radiation start Monday...Unfortunately, the surgeon is also of the opinion that there is onlyabout a 10% chance of my not needing an permanent colostomy, due to both the position of the tumor and the fact that it has probably spread to the anal muscle structure. He won't know for sure until he gets in there during surgery. He said all sorts of nice things abouthow living with a colostomy is not that bad, but I think he was just trying to make me feel better .Other than death, a colostomy is what I feared the most when I heard the news of my diagnosis. Some of it is fear of the unknown, but alot of it is because I have always craved to be in the outdoors. If I was a RV/ATV/Huntin' & fishin' kind of outdoorsman, maybe thiswould not be such a big deal, but I am more like the "Put 50 pounds on your back, start walking and disapear for a week" kind of outdoorsman, and have never cared much whether it was summmer or winter when I planned my adventures-that is why God made snowshoes! The possibility that I might not be able to do these types ofactivities is almost as depressing as the thought of not surviving. I have always been an adaptable kind of guy, and I will adjust my life to whatever new realities come my way, but that news was tough to take.
If you are a family member, I appreciate the fast that you all are undertaking in my behalf today. To get through the next few months and years, I will need to have all my strengh, the strenght of my friends and family, and the strenth of the "Man Upstairs".
Confronting your mortality in such a concrete and ominous way has a funny way of making you reexamine your priorities. I may -or may not- have more to say about that later.
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